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FIRST WORDS… NEW CHAPTER

So much to say in a short space of time, God is indeed good.

Ethan
The breath of my very existence

This blog is about my thoughts, the place where my inner world is painted in color and surrounded by the truth of my imagination, no apologies, just fact and honesty. It truly has been a long time coming to get to this amazing step. Never visioned it to be this magically liberating to write from the depths of authenticity. Quite lovely, I must say.

In a sense, I would call this my “Dear Diary’ blog, where I pour and release whatever magnitude of thought hides in the background of solid conversations that I have with self, but never really verbalize for fear of offense (to the next person) judgment and being regarded as insensitive. In all honesty though, it is not like what is written here has never been thought of by the next person. We all have that deep sense of “I wish I could tell you what I really think about that dress you are wearing friend” but bite our tongue less we be perceived as incompetent with our minds for lack of keeping our big mouths… SHUT!

So yes, this is my space. Where I get to speak most of my truth and how I view the ever complicated world around me, which is filled with so many amazing people who truly are gems and fill my heart and days with such colors of unconditional love, mind you, some are conditional with their love. None the less, they are loved… Sometimes not by me, just saying. Some people are such a damn challenge to love. Those are the ones I call Emotional Character Builders (ECB) and they test every ounce of your patience until you finally reach breaking point. Sigh.

What boggles my mind is that I cannot for the life of me pin point where the need to write started, all I know is I just have this innate sense of pouring my heart on paper, or in this case, computer and just let the words flow out like an ocean begging to be released from the clutches of the shore. THERAPY to be exact. Writing is pure THERAPY.

 

Peace of mind… In a chaotic sub-conscience!

roses and pearls

Nowhere in this grand planet earth has there ever been a time where one seeks silence, solitude and a peace of mind in a world where chaos rules. The older we become, the more one seeks a place of solitary confinement to be one with self and in tune with peace.

 

We are constantly bombarded by noise everywhere. Life has become incredibly busy with no chance of ever slowing down. We spend the vast majority of our lives chasing our ideal lives and an imaginary deadline to the point where by the time we slow down to take a deep breath and look around us, is the time where our bodies and our minds have reached nervous breakdown point.

In an ideal world, having a few moments or seconds to yourself seems like a happy dream. However, consider the fact that responsibilities have us office bound for at least twelve hours of our everyday lives and by the time we get home, the real work starts and it’s called parenting. The only means of having a breath in breath out session is in bed barely able to keep our eyes open from sheer exhaustion.

Peace

Could it be that we are caught up in a system that is aimed at trapping us in this chaotic madness, or have we become so entangled in a web of responsibility that we are running against a never ending maze of trying to beat the clock?

Well whatever it is that has us stuck in a whirlwind craze, we need to remind ourselves to take a step back, reflect, relax and breath. Learn to shut the world out. Create a sacred place where you are able to reconnect with your spirit, soul, mind and body. Nothing can ever be more important than being in tune with self. Get back to a state of giving to yourself what you are continually giving to the outward world, which is your time, energy and strength. Surely you owe it to yourself to be in a place of absolute peace.

You can never be too busy for your own well being. As hard or as challenging as it may seem, you hold the power of time. Although it may seem utterly impossible at first, it is doable.

Go ahead and decline that invitation, that you don’t really want to attend anyway because you are not really interested in making small talk with people who you are not really that close to… Say NO once in a while, in fact, say it as often as you feel like it. You don’t have to explain your reasons or be made to feel guilty because you are choosing your peace of mind over things that overwhelm you. It really isn’t that deep. You can never apologize for choosing YOU at the end of the day.

Take that long walk to clear your head, go on that overdue trip to the spa, the movies or an unplanned adventure. Do the little things that calm your soul and enjoy every last bit of it. Not all things require your attention and not all things are do or die. Nothing will fall apart just because you didn’t attend to it and not all things are urgent. Give your time to the things that truly matter and  prioritize the people in your life that deserve your time. Clear your mind and delete all the uninvited noisy voices that try to invade your sub-conscience. Block out all negative sounds that clog up your motherboard. Mute, control and push the delete button.

Serene

ENJOY YOUR SACRED SPACE AND CHERISH THE TIME SPENT WITH YOURSELF.

My baby and I

Ethan
My gift… My teacher

He holds my hand as if to say “Don’t ever drop my fingers to the ground because you are the warmth that protects my presence when I feel the eyes of vultures creeping behind the shadows of the day.”

I embrace him as if to say “The eyes of fear will never approach the sacred space of love and courage while I’m still alive and breathing.” Cling to me with every fiber of your being, this place right here, is where love resides.

I gave birth to life the day I became a mother, a rebirth of some sort, took over my entirety as a woman, it freed me of the fears that lurked at the back of my sub-conscience mind, I finally exhaled all the inhibitions I had carried with me all my teenage and adult life and became ME, through him.  He introduced me to a woman I had never met before, one who I was sure was always there, hiding in the background, seeking permission to finally emerge, as if those around me held the key to my freedom. She was finally here, waiting to meet this grand human being who would be her savior (not to be taken out of context) , her teacher and her liberator. He was indeed here, with a promise in his beautiful tiny eyes, that he would be right here, ready to break open this heart of mine and release within it a love that I never thought was humanly possible. A love so pure, unconditional and powerful and unfathomable, yet so true.

He arrived at a time when we needed each other. Never realizing that he would be my teacher, my confidant, my inspiration and my life support. The one that teaches me more than I teach him, the one who is authentic and fully himself, without regard, without care of people’s opinions, the one with such abundant joy, peace, confidence and truth in himself. A true being, who falls more times in a day, yet gets up every time, dusts himself off and carries on with the order of the day… happily so with a genuine smile on his face that is ever ready for adventure. Such is a privilege for me to witness because it opens my eyes to the positivism in a child’s spirit and heart. A lesson that many a adults seem to have left by the way side because of the stresses of this world. I catch myself being reminded of how fickle our growth and maturity make us. We become so immune to the child like spirits in our own selves because we are so consumed by the pressures of the world within us and around us that we forget to simply breath, let go and trust the process.

I’m still learning the art of letting go and just… BE.

He showed me the power and beauty of God, His marvelous wonder His amazing creative power and unconditional love. I see God when I look into his eyes. The immense power of the Almighty every time my heart fills with a love that surpasses all understanding.

He came to save my life and I his. He is me and I am him and together we are one!

The world can never fully understand the power of a child’s love, the kind that is engraved deep in our spirits since creation began. Otherwise if we fully understood the power with which we have been given by God to look after these future innovators, these masters of generations or come, we would not be so full of hatred towards them and letting them off to the dungeons of wolves by our sheer lack of guidance and protection. We would not let be exposed to vultures and giving their innocent carcasses to the devil himself. We would not blatantly subject them to such unimaginable abuse at the hands of selfish adults.

When I look at my son, I cannot imagine such heinous acts being committed to  him while my heart is still beating. Is it not up to me to ensure his safety? I cringe at the thought of such a beautiful soul being mistreated by me or those entrusted to groom him, shelter him and shield him through his journey of life. After all, it takes a village to raise a child… Right?

We are at an age where our children’s future appears bleak at times. As if there is a force more powerful and dark that is at the helm of ensuring that the next generation never sees success or comes to pass. However, a glimpse of light and hope is what I see when I look into his eyes. He brings that glimmer of hope into my sometimes weary heart and making sure I understand and fully know that no matter what the situation may look like over the walls, there is an indescribable truth in the power of unconditional love.

The love of a child is unmatched and should never be taken for granted. We are after all, role models in their eyes. Yet they are the ones who become our greatest teachers!